More than ten years have passed already since I were you and surely you and I have learned a lot along the way. People say regrets are for sissies but I say looking back to those will make you a better decision-maker, if not at all a better person.
You hate a lot of people, I know. Especially in high school. That one’s real tough, but you will get over that. All you are focusing, most likely, is getting to a good university and start working. You’re not even thinking of all the friends you’ll make along the way – well because your social life didn’t particularly happen so far. But I tell you – there are as many good, like really good, people you’ll meet, if not the best, as there are crappy people you know so far. You’ll still face discrimination though because of your radical views in life – but there will be people who will be ready to accept you for who you really are. And there will be people who will just tolerate you – don’t think much about them as their tolerance do not matter at all. AT. ALL.
On that good university, you will not enter your dream uni as well. You’ll be brokenhearted by this but I guess it will all boil down to being in charge of your own education. Institution is nice, but what you do and who you are will not depend on where or what you studied. If at all, it will keep you grounded on a lot of things. Half of what you do ten years from where you are now will not be even about what you studied. You’re a true learner and you like learning a lot, you’ll get by. We are an impatient lot, but being in college will test your patience as well. Learn as much as you can, because believe me – being in the cradles of the academe is one of the joys of your life. I know because I’ve been wanting to go back.
You will burn a lot of bridges, too. You will let your emotions take over you and God knows sometimes you enjoy it. You have to learn how to keep your emotions at bay and take things at face value. It’s not worth the effort to care about things that do not really matter. Let this be a lesson to you to nurture more meaningful relationships. They may be few – people who you care deeply about – but it’s good investment. One day, you’ll see that these people you stuck with are worth it. They’ll be there through thick and thin, rain or shine, sad or happy. You’ll cherish them like your own flesh and blood and they do, too – even though they do not show you.
Don’t get me wrong – sometimes there are bridges so broken you just need to burn them. Do not let other people weigh you down and sometimes you just need to turn away from them. Time will not matter, you just have to think about yourself sometimes. You tend to think of other people more than you think of yourself – and that’s bad. You need to love yourself well before other people – and this will how you will love others, too.
Ten years into this life will still see you without a relationship. Oh believe me, you’ll have your heart broken M A N Y times and the number of times you will cry will be an understatement to what you feel right now. People will make you believe that they care for you and you will still wear your heart on your sleeve. You will love but that doesn’t mean they will, too. It will hurt as fuck, but remember that your happiness shouldn’t rely on them. You will learn how to look past the hurts and move on. It will not be easy – you will self-destruct in a number of ways – but once you’ve risen from the ashes of hurt, you’ll finally appreciate yourself for who you truly are.
You’ll get to know yourself through travel, too. You’ll love travel, I tell you. You’ll find solace in being in another part of the world you haven’t been. Your joy will be incomparable as you go to places you otherwise will have no idea existed. You’ll go traveling, often alone, but never lonely. As you go back home with eyes wider, heart bigger – you only yearn to be back on the road because life back here is not easy. Life is harsh, but you’ll never appreciate it any other way, won’t you?
Tomorrow we’ll be past quarter already. I’m in this beautiful island, appreciating the beauty of the planet, and maybe having a drink or two with a few people I just met. Another year, another extension in life. We’re not sick or anything – I just like to treat each day, month, year we’re alive a celebration. Because being alive requires so. Not everyone is given the chance to be alive again – or the chance to feel alive.
I guess, what I’m trying to tell you – is that you’ll be happy… no matter how long it takes… you will… if you choose to.
A bit matured version of yourself but not quite